The Holiday Parenting Time Tug-of-War
For co-parents, the holiday season is often less about peace on earth and more about logistical warfare. In Michigan, the standard holiday schedule usually alternates major holidays (like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Hanukkah) on a yearly basis. This schedule supersedes the regular parenting time rotation. For example, if it is your year for Christmas, it does not matter if Christmas falls on a Tuesday when the child is normally with the other parent, the holiday schedule controls.
However, emotions run high in December. It is common for one parent to attempt to withhold the child, using excuses such as "The child is sick," "It’s too snowy to drive," or the most common and frustrating claim: "The child just doesn't want to go."
The Police Will Not Solve This for You
A common misconception is that if your ex refuses to hand over the children, you can call the police to force the exchange. In Michigan, unless you have a very specific type of order (often called a "breakdown order" or "writ of assistance") stating that law enforcement shall assist in the recovery of the child, the police will usually decline to intervene. They view custody disputes as "civil matters." They may write a report, but they will not kick down a door to retrieve a child for Christmas dinner. This leaves you, the denied parent, standing in the driveway with no recourse but the court system.
Steps to Take Immediately Upon Denial
If you are denied your court-ordered holiday time, you must act strategically, not emotionally. Do not engage in a shouting match or physical altercation, as this can lead to Personal Protection Orders (PPOs) that will damage your custody standing long-term. Instead, follow this protocol:
- Document the Attempt: You must attempt the pickup. Go to the exchange location. If the other parent isn't there, take a timestamped photo of yourself at the location. If you are at their door, ring the bell.
- Save Communications: Keep all texts and emails. If the other parent says "we aren't coming," screenshot it immediately.
- File a Friend of the Court (FOC) Complaint: In Michigan, you generally have 56 days to file a written complaint with the FOC regarding a denial of parenting time, but for holiday time, you should file it immediately. The FOC is the arm of the court that enforces these orders.
The Remedy: Make-Up Time and Contempt
Michigan Law (MCL 552.511b) provides specific remedies for parenting time violations. The court is generally required to grant "Make-Up Parenting Time" to the wronged parent. This time is usually equal to or greater than the time missed and must be of the same type (e.g., you can't replace a Christmas holiday with a random Tuesday in March; it should be a significant holiday or weekend).
If the violation is flagrant, for example, if a parent took the child out of state without permission to prevent visitation, we can file a Motion to Show Cause. This effectively drags the other parent before a judge to explain why they should not be held in contempt of court. Penalties for contempt can range from fines to suspension of licenses, and in extreme cases, jail time (though judges reserve jail for only the most egregious, repeat offenders).
The "Child's Preference" Trap
A major point of contention is when a teenager says they don't want to visit. The other parent often shrugs and says, "I can't force them." Legally, until the child is 18, the court order applies to the parents, not the child. It is the custodial parent's affirmative duty to encourage and facilitate the visitation. If a parent is found to be passively allowing a child to skip visitation (alienation), the court can sanction that parent. However, as children get older (16+), courts are practically less likely to force a physical removal, making therapy and reunification strategies more viable than brute legal force.
Preventing Future Conflict
At Shiraz Law Firm, we often recommend very specific language in holiday orders to prevent these disputes. This includes defining specific pickup times (e.g., "December 25th at 10:00 AM"), defining transportation responsibilities, and even specifying what happens if a child is ill (usually, parenting time occurs anyway unless the child is hospitalized). Clarity is the antidote to conflict.
